My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
