i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
