i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
be right there i have to get my cape
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
