so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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