I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
foreskin is a definite game changer
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
