I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
