This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
