i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
