I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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