We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
hell yes lets make some ravioli
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
