Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
