drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My liver just had a heart attack.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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