I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
