He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
