I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
