I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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