I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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