M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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