Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Houston, we have a blender
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
