The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
