so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
