I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
