So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Randomize
