if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
