dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
