i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
