Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
