My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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