Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
