Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
