life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
