my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
