If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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