She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
