Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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