He told me they were just razor bumps!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
