our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
