just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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