I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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