He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
