I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
