Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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