its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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