I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think I won the penis lottery.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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