I feel like abortions should bother me more
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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