Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
