If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
