i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
