I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
