We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
