This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
